LEAVING IT BEHIND…

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I could see my memories replaying itself as I stared through the window of the moving train. I didn’t want to leave, but this was one of those situations where you are left without a choice. I grew up here and everything I had come to know about life came from this place that is about to become a shadow that vanishes from the rising of the early morning sun. I am not to reconnect in any way with this place.

Not a single memory is to come with me on this new trip of mine, if I really desire the peace of mind that I seek. But how can this be when I have a mind that stores all I have ever done and seen. Do I change my brain with another? Even if it was possible who would want to exchange his/her brain with mine and choose to live with this horrible memories of mine. Oh my! Dreadful they are! I would give anything to take them out.

My dad treated my mum so badly that even the devil came to him for advice on how to be wicked. Even if you don’t love a woman, the least you could do is send her back to her parents. Yes my mum made an in-correctable error and she was caught in the act. I wonder what she was thinking. Don’t ask me what she did; whatever you think she did is left for your mind to ponder on. But she doesn’t deserve all she got from a man that claims he once loved her beyond words could tell.

My dad went beyond the usual to the fearful kind of torture that even the worst kind of criminal would not receive. There were times he would wake in the morning and urinate on her face while she was still asleep. She would awake and see him laughing monstrously while zipping his trousers. There were times my mum would stay awake and not sleep just so she is not caught unaware of what her once loving husband might do. I could remember there was a time my father excreted on her mouth while she was sleeping. The kind of excrete that is watery, that makes it seem like you are purging.

She was locked indoors from dusk till dawn so that she doesn’t run away with me in order to escape the horror she has been facing. She was denied food for days. Sometimes she will be given food but no water. So many times she wished for death but death at the time was on a vacation. Nobody knew what was happening and that was the worst of it all; no one to come to her rescue.

My dad took me on a weekend trip and locked my mum as usual. She was in a pretty bad shape when we left. When we returned, we could perceive strange smell contaminating the air. Where is this smell coming from my dad asked? Immediately he opened the door we couldn’t breathe. My mum had died and began to decay within the days we had been gone. The smell was horrible. When my dad opened the room he had locked her in, she had already swollen, within seconds we began to hear the buzzing of flies.

Go pack your stuff, we are living this place for good and not coming back. What could I say or do. I was only 8 years old. Ever since the incident my dad kept me away from my mum. He played the role of both mum and dad and he was pretty good at it but no one could ever take her place for she was the sweetest thing next to honey. Now for the rest of my life this is all I will ever get to remember even though my father asked that I leave it all behind cause we are on a journey to a new start.

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